Cerca de Regresando

My time in Costa Rica is coming to an end very soon. I wonder how I am going to handle this whole saying goodbye thing. I imagine its going to be extremely bittersweet.

I am unbelievably excited to see my dog (and all of the human beings I love) of course. But as cheesy as it sounds, a part of me will forever remain in Costa Rica. As I drove home from Poás yesterday, I looked out of the window at the rolling hills and misty mountains in the distance, and the endless rows of coffee plants. Even though the roads in Costa Rica are like a roller coaster from HELL and I almost threw up again, I still realized something really beautiful. As we were winding and winding through the hills, I thought to myself, "I wont be leaving this place with my whole heart, some of it is staying here." Not only with the people and relationships I have made here, but with the place itself. The children's faces from the community I worked in will remain in my mind. When I left the beach after the first month I was here, I looked back at the sunset one last time and I knew that I was leaving a piece of myself there and I wont be able to leave completely whole.

I guess that's how experience is. God has taught me so much while I have been here, of course its going to be very special to me. Back in time a little bit: I have been a Christian for about 2 1/2 years now, and I have had huge seasons of growth and failure since then. I was lost, then saved, had the "new Christian spiritual high" (as I like to call it), then had a season of failure and immense stumbling (which is all of the time but this one was really bad), then had a short season of growth again. Then I got comfortable. I was having a hard time seeking God. I have always had a desire inside of me to live in a different country and specifically to learn a new language, ever since I was a child. I went to France for a week, I realized that if I wanted to, it was possible for me to walk on a plane, and leave to a different country. I got to thinking, what am I waiting for? After one message Noel gave at Riverview, It pushed me over the edge. I told Devon later that night at the Price's, "I'm going to Bolivia, Peru, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, somewhere, I don't care and I'm not sure yet, but I'm going!" I planned my trip and got in contact with Carlos Gomez (The GCLA pastor in San José whose family I live with) within a week. My dad flew me down here, then a week later, he left. In Costa Rica I took my first real steps in living out my own faith, I learned what it was like to totally depend on God instead of on myself or other people. I saw God from a whole new angle. I realized that I NEEDED to seek him, not just that it was good for me to do. I came here not knowing a single person. Every face that I saw each day was brand new. It was just me, God, my Bible, and Costa Rica. It changed me so much. I really learned to walk on my own here, of course its going to be extremely special to me. It kicked my butt.

Usually this would be the time of year for me when I would feel like I am going to die of hypothermia every time I would walk outside into the grey sky, dead, cold Michigan winter. Here I walk outside to sun shinning on my face. I look out of the window of the bus to green rolling hills, palm trees, and gorgeous mountains. Now that I speak Spanish everyday, I don't know what it will be like to live in a place where I don't speak Spanish at all throughout my day. I had to adjust so much when I came here, I had to throw myself into a new culture and I couldn't look back because I would have freaked out. That was so drastic, I feel like its going to be really hard for me to adjust back. I do feel warm when I think about going to get coffee with a good friend at Beaner's. And it will be nice to drive past the places where I spent my childhood, or a place that reminds me of when me and all of the guys road our bikes up to Wilcox last summer just to swing on the swing set at midnight. Older memories than four months. But then I think about the park where we take Carlitos to play soccer here, and the place where we always went surfing in Jacó. Those places and what happened there is really special too.

This is the way life goes. And I need to get used to it, because I am beginning to realize something about myself. While I love home, really the only thing I love about it is the people, and the church. I don't think I will be living in Michigan for my whole life, or "si Dios quiere" if God desires, for very much longer. I am constantly thinking about the new country I want to spend time at or the new language I want to learn. I thought that these four months in Costa Rica and learning Spanish would satisfy the desire inside me to experience something totally different and far away, but I am beginning to fear it has only gotten me started. Maybe God made me this way for a reason. Or maybe I will sink my roots in a stop acting like a gypsy. We will see what has in store for me.