This is not a happy post

Today was my last day teaching the art class at Alajuelita. On the way home walking to the bus with Lucía, there was a dead body in the river under a bridge we crossed. I looked at the man's body and it didn't process until I saw his mouth and eyes open, and I realized that he looked like he had been there awhile. I cant believe that no one from the community had done anything about it. It is the main river that flows through the slums I am sure that everyone had seen him there.

Also exhibitionism is a huge problem here. Maybe it is just as bad in the big cities in the United States, but I have seen it occurring here on more than one occasion, its really disturbing. On all of the occasions God has protected me by either a bus coming just in time to get away from the man or Don Carlos being there to scare him off. But it was still really disturbing. There is much less respect for women in the culture here. Zero respect. Its also hard because I look so different and it catches attention, and scummy sick men notice I'm not from here also. They say things to me and laugh thinking I don't understand. After these disturbing experiences I have really longed to be in a place where I blend in again. It will be nice to walk down the street without being the "Machita" or being sexually harassed 7 times in a row. Only 6 more days.

This world is messed up. And we all just need Jesus.

I already told some of you this story...

Last week I saw a fight in the street downtown while I was walking to my bus stop. I was crossing the street and these two guys had road rage or something. There was a guy on the motorcycle (late 20s and fit) and a guy in a taxi (40s and unfit). They both exited their vehicles and were swearing at each other. Then they started fighting and the motorcycle guy seriously cracked the other guys skull open on the pavement. He had his head, and was banging it against the ground. There was blood everywhere. All over his face. I was just screaming "Help him help him" because I didn't know what to do... I thought he was going to kill him. There was just a crowd gawking and finally two huge guys came and pulled them apart. The older man's face was ruined, all I could compare it to is when Edward Norton ruins the blond kid's face in Fight Club. I wanted to throw up, cry or something. I had a lot of emotion and adrenaline. I hate seeing human being treating other human beings this way, especially over road rage. I can feel God frowning at how stupid we are.

After my class that I teach on Thursdays, I watch this 5 year old little girl walk by herself to a shack made of tarps and rusty sheet metal. Her drug-addicted mother who weighs no more than 85 pounds is usually outside sitting on a bench, shaking like she is freezing even though its 80 degrees out, smoking a cigarette. Her father abandoned her when she was born. She is malnourished because her mom thinks that a bag of Cheetos mixed with water is "soup," and this little girl often eats that for dinner.

Seeing this stuff makes me so mad. I seriously think that if college students at MSU didn't drink for one weekend, and instead donated that money, it would feed the entire community that I volunteer at for two weeks. Its just amazing that human beings are able to live out their daily lives and get upset over the stupidest things when little girls are going home to conditions like this (or worse) all over the world every single day. Like, it's all going on at the SAME TIME. No one will ever realize how blessed they are. There is real pain in this world, and its not when your lap top breaks or you can't go out and party because your friend doesn't want to go with you.

I remember Mr. Keckeisen telling me in my world geography class after we watched a child trafficking video: "Now you know, so you can't pretend like you don't." Well, now I volunteer in poverty and crime stricken "Sector Dos de Los Guidos" and it's the same thing. I will never be able to pretend like I don't know again.

Bummer

So a hard situation got even harder. I went to write some emails on Sunday and my lap top wouldn't turn on. I freaked out because the only thing keeping me sane was being able to talk to everyone at home. I took a bus into San Jose and met Carlos and he took me to the toshiba store. They said that my mother board was shot and it will be ready next Monday. Luckily it was under warranty. Feel free to keep sending me emails, and I will try to make it to an internet cafe as much as I can but I'm not sure how that will all work out. So if I dont email you back for awhile then that is why. Please pray for me.

-Fran

Devastating

There was an Earthquake in Peru that killed more than 500 people and injured more than 1,500 people. I don't know if it made much news in the states but it is a really big deal here in Costa Rica. Read about it here.

Moving On

We have mastered the art of moving on. It is the means for protecting ourselves in this world. If you do not posses the ability to move on from someone who has hurt you, you are almost certainly preparing yourself to face a lot of heartache. We are not fond of heartache. Someone hurts you, you start looking for someone else to love that you see as clean and blameless. This is because if you were to stay with the previous person who hurt you, all you would see in them would be the pain they caused you. It would consume you, and the sting would be too great to withstand. If you hurt someone, you move away from the relationship, you forget the guilt, you find someone who you can start fresh with. Someone you can love all over again. You try not to hurt them, at least as bad as the last one you loved and hurt previously. We are always looking for something better, something that will more satisfy ourselves, because we think mainly about ourselves. Our idea of love is for ourselves, but imagine loving for the better of the other person. Imagine Jesus. Imagine someone who would wait faithfully and patiently, welcoming us back to love them each time we go astray. Someone who loves us more passionately than any other romance this Earth has ever seen. Someone who would welcome us into their arms, after every single time we break their heart, again... and again. Imagine someone who, no matter what we do to them, no matter how many times we betray them or act as if they never existed, they see us as clean and blameless, white as snow. I can't picture that, none of us can, we only know how to move on...

Blah.

I just got back to work today after being gone for over two weeks. It’s strange how I get so sick of something, and after taking a break from it, I realize how much I take it for granted. There are girls here that I love SO much and really pray will come to know Jesus someday. I was walking through the halls of the capitol today just absorbing the beauty of the painted walls like I did when I first started working here. I hate how much I take things for granted. When I came to work today I had sort of forgotten that Charlie died, and I was expecting to see him. When I got here I remembered, and it sucked. I think that I maybe block it out of my head sometimes because I miss him too much if I think about it. I just got some crappy news; I’m in a strange mood.

I just told Brett this:
“I know I like to take control of things myself sometimes but I think I need to ask questions and get it all out before I can really step back and realize that God is God, and I am just an idiot.”

I think I need to realize that more. I miss Paris, I miss Anna C and our late night conversations about how to save the world, I hope her week is going well.

jhgbmnbhgj

So I learned a lesson tonight... One that I don't feel very good about still. One that I actually feel like crap about. I have some growing up to do. I can't wait to go to the retreat this weekend and spend some serious God time.

-Fran

Please pray

I just got really bad news and I can't even think right now but I am using this blog as a way to get it out. My grandpa, the sweetest man I have ever met, my number one fan at all of my volleyball games, and one of my biggest christian role models, is getting very sick. I was over at my grandparents house the other day and my grandma told me how he was forgot to eat his oatmeal that morning and he just left for work, leaving it in the microwave. Recently, he also keeps forgetting to take his medicine and when my grandma asked him about it, he said that he forgot because he moved it into the bathroom. My grandma told him that he had Always kept it in the bathroom, and he started crying because he couldn't believe he didn't know that. He sees the doctor tomorrow, but he is showing signs of Alzhiemer's and his mother had the disease also. I am so scared and I can't picture the struggle that is ahead of my family if he does have it. Everyone please pray for him and my family, thank you so much.