I love my little sister, Liz.

Sacré-Coeur

When I was in France, We went to the Sacré-Coeur. It is a giant church that sits on top of the highest point of the city, and you can look down on the whole city of Paris. When we got there it was like 10:30 so it was really dark. You could see the Eiffel tower in the distance and the lights from the city were beautiful. It's name means "the sacred heart" and it was seriously the most beautiful man-made place I've ever been. When we went inside to pray, there were candles lit everywhere and no one was allowed to speak at all. There is a massive painting of Jesus with his arms open across the ceiling of one of the domes. I was sitting in the pew with probably 50 other people around me, but I felt like I was by myself. I'm sure the other people felt like that too. It was so freakin beautiful, and I couldn't think about anything else but the beauty of what Jesus did for us. It is so beautiful. Forgivness is so beautiful. And when you see something that just takes your breath away, something about the beauty of it makes me remember how beautiful the cross is. I want to go back to that place, but oh yeah.... I live in Holt, MI.

Here I go again posting lyrics

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?

-The Postal Service

Decisions

So tonight at the Riv High school meeting we talked about decisions. I have a pretty big decision in front of me right now, I feel like I need some wisdom. I don't feel at all capable to make this choice. If you get the chance please pray for me.

Happiness in Ignorance

I have a lot of friends who are not Christians. I have been asking myself the question lately: Why did I ever become a Christian? I had found some sort of happiness in my ignorance before I ever came to know Jesus, why was I seeking anything more?

I remember talking to Renee Mosely, wondering why she cared so much that I come to realize what Jesus did for me. I saw this thing that the Riverview community shared, and I wanted to be a part of it. I saw people trying to please God, instead of the world, and it made me wonder if there was more to life than my social ranking at Holt High School or how many goals I could score at my soccer games. I remember when I finally realized that I wasn't in control of my own life, that my life wasn't even my own. The main thing that lead me to realize that I needed to put my faith in Jesus Christ was one person really caring about my salvation.

But I am still struggling with this like crazy every single day.

The Four Loves

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."
-C.S. Lewis

Old Pictures

I just came across a bunch of old pictures on my old computer.. they made me happy/sad:

Blah.

I just got back to work today after being gone for over two weeks. It’s strange how I get so sick of something, and after taking a break from it, I realize how much I take it for granted. There are girls here that I love SO much and really pray will come to know Jesus someday. I was walking through the halls of the capitol today just absorbing the beauty of the painted walls like I did when I first started working here. I hate how much I take things for granted. When I came to work today I had sort of forgotten that Charlie died, and I was expecting to see him. When I got here I remembered, and it sucked. I think that I maybe block it out of my head sometimes because I miss him too much if I think about it. I just got some crappy news; I’m in a strange mood.

I just told Brett this:
“I know I like to take control of things myself sometimes but I think I need to ask questions and get it all out before I can really step back and realize that God is God, and I am just an idiot.”

I think I need to realize that more. I miss Paris, I miss Anna C and our late night conversations about how to save the world, I hope her week is going well.

<3

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

-Regina Spektor

A few pictures from Paris